Eisner Returns to Scaring Children
Remember Michael Eisner? Used to run Disney with an iron fist in case-hardened-steel glove? Ground the bones on children into flour, which was then served to him in the form of pancakes with faces drawn on them in whipped cream? He’s going back into the children’s entertainment business.
Eisner has announced that he will buy Team Baby Entertainment, a copmany that makes instructional DVDs from preschoolers. The DVDs teach math and spelling using imagery from college athletics. Mr. Rogers was right - nothing helps the learning process better than coupling it with images of savage violence.
From the Associated Press: “Team Baby has 20 half-hour DVDs in the market tied to various college sports teams, including ‘Baby Irish’ (Notre Dame), ‘Baby Longhorn’ (University of Texas) and ‘Baby Wolverine’ (University of Michigan).” The soundtracks heavily feature marching band music from the various schools.
The acquisition further cements Eisner’s grasp of what the public wants, following his “Conversations with Michael Eisner” talk show which appears irregularly on CNBC to critical scorn and below-average ratings. Well, he was never the creative guy - that was Katzenberg. Eisner was the hatchet guy, the last-minute contract negotiator, the ruthless exploiter of business weaknesses. For Team Baby’s sake, I hope they sold it outright instead of opting for profit participation, because they would never see a Disney Dollar out of that arrangement.
Did I mention the bone-grinding thing?