The Kramer Kalculus
Join me, if you will, in a full-tilt wallow into the depths of cynicism. First the official story from IMDB, hat tip to smartest man alive Skot:
Seinfeld star Michael Richards …has been banned from The Laugh Factory for repeatedly calling two African-American hecklers “n**gers” during a foul-mouthed rant onstage there earlier this month. The comedy club bosses now want him to pay for his ill-advised remarks… They want Richards to pay $6 million to charity for the six derogatory words he used on their stage.
Oh, curse me! I cannot take this release at face value. Neither can Skot. He sent me the item with this note:
It’s got to be collusion between Richards’ new high-powered PR flack and the Laugh Factory owners. Like everything in the business, it’s prearranged, the public face of a private deal. Richards pays through the nose– but to a charity: The Laugh Factory comes off like a selfless defender of racial harmony (if not free speech); Richards literally buys his career back.
I have to agree for a number of reasons. First, you don’t publicly call out the talent to the tune of 6 big ones without clearing it with them first. The Laugh Factory prides itself on its celebrity bookings, and you’re not going to see Jay Leno or Dane Cook going back there any time soon if they think they’ll get blindsided.
Secondly, that figure is really, really high. I can see Jerry Seinfeld affording it (as they said at the Jerry Stiller roast, “Seinfeld couldn’t be here tonight because he’s f***ing a model on a pile of money”) but Richards, his whole net worth is probably 6 million. So the figure is so high it can seem unreasonable if you’re sympathetic to Richards but high enough that you can cheer on the Laugh Factory for asking. And whatever he gives to charity, it’s a deduction.
Now lets blaze a trail into the dark heart of Cynicsville.
The seventh season of Seinfeld out on DVD, and it could use a little free publicity. Seinfeld doesn’t need the money, Louis-Dreyfuss has a successful sitcom, and Alexander, well, I’m not sure what he’s doing but I bet it involves voice-over and he’s not hurting for money. Richards may have taken a bullet for the team. It would raise the deeply sunken Michael Richards profile (so low that I had to use “Kramer” in the title instead of his real name) and beef up his share of royalties from DVD sales.
Side note: This year is kind of a new golden era of racism isn’t it? Between this incident, a fascinating cavalcade of campaign ads and Borat… well, it’s almost like living in the fifties all over again.
So anyway, to me the question boils down to this - is Michael Richards a racist, or is he cynically pretending to be one to make money?
I think I mentioned this yesterday, but I turn a little dark around the holidays.
(Side Note: Jesse Jackson is calling for a boycott of the Seinfeld DVD, which indicates the man is pretty hip to the ways of publicists. As if you didn’t know!)Â Â Â Â Â Â
November 30th, 2006 at 8:12 am
First, big thanks for the props. Nice people in the Blogosphere, imagine that.
I agree with your conclusions generally, but our insane conspiracy theories part company at one point. You couch the need to sell the Seinfeld S7 set as primarily the needs of the show’s cast. No, they’re making good money on residuals from the show, fees from commentary tracks and such, and they all probably have a piece of the sales. Even if it doesn’t sell that well, they’ve made their lucre.
Columbia-TriStar are the ones who have a vested interest in clearing the good name of Cosmo Kramer. Any deals going down right now are being made people more powerful than the persons actually involved. Columbia/TriStar probably staked the farm on the Seinfeld brand: they have a brand-new multi-million unit run out in stores for more than $50 a pop. $6M is a tiny price to pay for even a slight chance of absolution, in comparison of what they stand to lose. As it is, the ads look strange: Jerry, Elaine, George and… is that David Duke?
–Skot