I recall the story of Brandon Tartikoff, estimable president of NBC programming during the late seventies and early eighties. Soon after he had stepped down from his post, he found himself hospitalized as the result of a skiing accident. the place was remote and without cable, and for the first time in his life he had nothing to do for 14 hours day but watch network television. “We have to do better, ” he said later in a speech. “That was the worst week of my life.”

Saturday I myself had a taste of this predicament. The head cold I have been nursing all month sprung up full force and I decided the best treatment would be immobility on a couch with a pocketfull of tissues and remote control. Tartikoff had it much worse. I have 150 channels, and the ability to get up and make my own soup.

I started out the day looking for HD programming, and I was able to snag a little network television, specifically Veggie Tales. Pretty good show, actually. The show was a parody of Rocky III, with some kind of squash subbing for Mr. T. After a while I got bored and discovered, to my delight, the REAL Rocky III on TNT. Switching between the two provided a solid half hour of post-modern entertainment. The Veggies have better comic timing though.

Then I surfed again, and came upon TCM airing of THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK. Brilliantly corny, featuring a host of forgotten character actors. I think V FOR VENDETTA owes a lot to this movie, just based on inflections. My recent adventure with a quasi-musical based on THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME made me grateful for this show, because it took the taste out of my mouth.

Then it was ROBOTS, the computer animated comedy. I favor cartoons when I’m sick. A little hyperkinetic for my tastes, and I felt a little pushed around by the none-too-subtle “capitalism is evil” message. What’s wrong with turning a profit on spare parts? I’m going to reread Michael Medved’s essay about HAPPY FEET - maybe he’s not a dork after all.

Onward! The last ten minutes of WEIRD SCIENCE on HBO Comedy. What was John Hughes thinking? Good score though.

Speaking of bad movies from the eighties - why look, it’s Roman Polanski’s FRANTIC! I hadn’t seen this in a long time, and I watched it closely. I’m a huge Polanski fan, largely on the basis of BITTER MOON, which is perhaps the worst date movie ever. My recollection of FRANTIC is that it wasn’t Polanski’s best work, and upon re-watching today I realize that’s putting it mildly. this was an attempt to let Polanski do a big-budget Hollywood movie by allowing him to shoot in France. Harrison Ford plays a doctor who is in town with his wife for a convention, by she is kidnapped. He is forced to to deal with the French criminal underworld to get her back.

It’s all very un-Polanski. Harrison Ford is playing a decent, uncomplicated American, and Polanski can’t do anything with him. Monkeys could have directed this movie and it would have looked exactly the same. Polanski goes out of his way to make the very last shot of the movie a garbage truck, loaded up and speeding away from the camera, taking the whole sorry venture with it.

Next, the first half hour of BATMAN, Tim Burton version. I am reminded once again that the movie is really about the Joker. Nicholson gets top billing, it’s his orgin story, he has all the good lines. It’s a tragedy about that cool Joker and how his empire is brought down by a cruel and unfair Batman. Or it would be, but I tuned out before the first Prince song.

Star Trek, The Next Generation 2.0. It’s the show, surrounded by live internet chat and meaningless numbers. I turn over and doze off.

My wife comes home from voice class, and I remember that I’ve had BRICK, the independent film noir feature, lying around the house for three weeks. It’s pretty good. If you can imagine the MALTESE FALCON set in a San Clemente high school, packed full of rapid-fire dialog but mercifully lacking in cuteness, you get BRICK. In my debilitated state, it almost seems like I’m dreaming it. The only thing that is still bugging me… who the hell walks on the beach with a cane?

It’s prime time now, and I’m too tired to blog. I think i’ll watch more TV. Wish me luck.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 18th, 2007 at 2:42 pm and is filed under General, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.