STEVE MCQUEEN’S FERRARI FETCHES 2.3 MILLION AT AUCTION

This brings the average price of used cars way way up.

FANS MARK 30 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF ELVIS’ DEATH

Elvis himself considers coming out of hiding to join in fun.

TOM CRUISE PRODUCTION COMPANY RAISES 500 MILLION

We will never be rid of this guy!

MARY-KATE OLSON AND BEN KINGSLEY HAVE KISSING SCENE

Creepy? No, icky? Wait, what about disturbing? Yeah, disturbing.

JOE MANTEGNA TO REPLACE MANDY PATINKIN ON “CRIMINAL MINDS”

Patinkin walked off the show for murky reasons a few weeks ago. Mantegna, used to a steady diet of challenging David Mamet scripts, is expected to go quietly insane within two seasons.

MISS AMERICA PAGEANT TO FIND NEW HOME ON THE LEARNING CHANNEL

There is nothing surreal about this. Nothing.

-daniel k

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