If Only They They’d Struck Sooner
January - it’s the no man’s land of moviegoing, a vortex, a Scylla and Charybdis. I know that last one probably doesn’t apply, but I like the sound of it. See, the thing about January is that it’s bad for movies. Theatre attendance is down as school gets back in and adults tighten their belts after all that holiday spending. Also, the studios have an incentive to keep their Christmas movies in theatres for as long as possible, so any new movies that come out tend to be stuff that everyone has already given up on.
Just look at this last weekend. The new movies made money but they’re laaaaaaame. They won’t last. MEET THE SPARTANS - judging by the trailer it must have been produced by 5th graders. It doesn’t take comedy geniuses to go down a list of the top ten movies of the last year and name check them for ninety minutes. Then RAMBO, an action sequel with more then 15 years between it and its predecessor. 15 years, a facelift and a couple of cases of Human Growth Hormone. I was just barely on board for Die Hard 4, but this is just too much. And as for UNTRACEABLE, it looks like this year’s FIREWALL, only without Harrison Ford or this years KISS THE GIRLS only without Ashley Judd. So it’s a movie without two washed-up stars. And last week’s MAD MONEY pretty much defines January movies; top-loaded with big name talent, short of laughs and entertainment value. By the way, watch for Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson next week in FOOL’S GOLD.
I noticed this years ago when I was was working in theatres. January is the elephant’s graveyard. Seriously, if a major studio releases a movie with big stars in January, I don’t care how good it looks. Run the other way. If you really have to see it, wait for the DVD in April. Something else to consider - if they don’t get it in theatres by the last week of December, it can’t be nominated for any Oscars. They paid for these things, so they’re going to try to get you to buy tickets for ‘em, but if it comes out now they’re banking on as little real competition as possible.
They say the writer’s strike will hurt movies, and I’m fiding myself wishing to the grey-bearded man in the sky (What is Orson Welles doing up there?) that somehow this strike kills all January movies next year. Maybe the studios can take a tip from TV and release documentaries in January, the same way that TV churns out reality shows.
February will get a little better because there is a bigger three day weekend in there, but watch for the usual oversupply of romantic comedies for Valentine’s day. Then by March the condition will have cleared up again and it will be completely safe to go to the movies. Till then - well, it’s cold outside. Start downloading.
-daniel k.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Ah- you mentioned FOOL’S GOLD first! Rather than article up, I’ll expand here.
FOOL’S GOLD synopsis: “A new clue to the whereabouts of a lost treasure rekindles a married couple’s sense of adventure — and their estranged romance.” As far as can be told from the one-sheets, ads and trailers, the film is a RomCom version of INTO THE BLUE (2005). That film featured Paul Walker, Jessica Alba, and Jessica Alba’s tiny, tiny bikini. FOOL’S GOLD features Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey and Kare Hudson’s tiny, tiny bikini.
(seriously, check out the one-sheets: they’re almost identical.)
Ms. Hudson and Mr. McConaughey are perhaps the prime examples of an actor type I call “force-fed celebrity.” Hudson has maybe one great performance (her first one in ALMOST FAMOUS) and then a string of complete duds. McConaughey has been jammed again and again into lead roles, but never really broke out. Don’t know why that is, but SFGate critic Mick LaSalle theorizes it’s his voice: Great leading-man looks, but when he speaks you get Mike Nesmith.
Anyway, FOOL’S GOLD is so imitative, it looks sorta desperate.
January 31st, 2008 at 1:35 am
The astonishing thing is that they are stealing an idea which wasn’t exactly a blockbuster to begin with. I haven’t seen this kind of strategy since ZONTAR THING FROM VENUS.