The Trek-o-Meter: Some Disturbing Addenda
The ol’ Trek-o-Meter, that linear scale used to track the intensity of one’s Star Trek fandom essayed in these pages last July, apparently isn’t quite ready to be retired yet. For one thing, there is finally a new original cast Star Trek movie in production, with Chris Pine (Smokin’ Aces) as Kirk and Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead) as Scotty. this film was set to be released in December 2008: the WGA strike bumped it to early Summer 2009.
I’m bringing this up because there are a few new distinctions to add to the Trek-o-Meter, based on some recent real-life encounters that have been reported indirectly to, and later confirmed by, Box Office Weekly.
1. A fellow of tertiary acquaintance was found to have not one, but several Star Trek tattoos on his body. Fandom-based body modification needs to be quantified for the Meter (and remember: zero is ‘completely unaware’ and 10 is ‘Enterprise set in mom’s basement’):
Anyone with one Star Trek tattoo: automatic 7.5.
Anyone with several Star Trek tattoos: automatic 8.5.
Anyone with tattooed inscriptions in Klingon script which needs to be translated for curious witnesses: automatic 9.5.
Subtraction: I once met a drummer with a punk band who had the Star Trek emblem tattooed on his chest. His nickname was “Trek,” and he performed shirtless. He gets a point taken off for the irony and coolness factors.
2. A good friend of mine (who is fairly indifferent to Star Trek: I’d call her a 3.0) once had a date (a real date, a dinner-and-a-movie type date) with a young man who wore a “Star Trek: The Next Generation” uniform shirt for the occasion. Complete with communicator badge. And he would, once in awhile, talk into the communicator badge.
That’s right: he wore a Star Trek uniform on a first date. Needless to say, there wasn’t a second date. (My friend said he “had a lot of other issues… Weird issues.”)
This is a good example of someone hitting that hard-to-attain perfect 10.0, but the “other issues” mentioned are telling. He was obviously right in the middle of making that hard right turn, departing from the quantifiable plain of intrinsic reality.
Live Long and Prosper,
–Skot C. (still a 7)
April 9th, 2008 at 8:00 am
I’m going to tuck away some valuable dating advice from this column: 1. Don’t wear a Star Trek uniform on a first (or any other, save maybe a date at a Star Trek convention) date.
2. Don’t use imaginary communications devices on a date. In fact, even using a real communication device, like a cell phone, unless it’s date-related, is a bad idea.
And 3, don’t even mention Star Trek or the Trek-o-meter at all. Unless my date brings it up or unless SHE happens to be wearing a Star Trek uniform. Hopefully it will be one of those mini-skirts/go-go boots combos from the original series.