So this morning before I went to work, I upgraded the software on my TV. There is a USB thumb drive slot in the side, next to the camcorder inputs. I thought maybe the upgrade will fix a problem that recently developed on my computer. I’ve been using my televsion as a second monitor, and to watch TV shows I had downloaded from England, but the main monitor had started generating random shapes and disconnecting the television stopped that.

The thing I love about the above paragraph is that every single word of it would have been science fiction to me 25 years ago. Then the magic of television was this - it’s in color, if you have cable you can get more than three channels, and if you have a videotape recorder you don’t have to watch Knight Rider when it’s on. You can go out and watch it tomorrow!

The idea that my TV has software now, that I can upgrade, is exotic and thrilling. You might as well tell me the toaster can think. We have smart television now, though the actual programming is still soul-crushingly stupid most of the time. Maybe it was better when the TV didn’t know how awful the content was. Now it must be very sad.

While I’m discussing the new technology - wait, just a moment.

HEY YOU KIDS! GET OFF MY LAWN!!!

While I’m discussing the new technology, I see all around me stuff that Knight Rider staff writers wouldn’t have dreamed of:

I could be writing this on my cellphone. I’m not, of course; but I’m also not writing it on a 40-text-column green-on-black word processor.

My office phone is hooked into my computer, so I have a record of all my calls right there, in the software.

My car doesn’t talk to me, but the little electronic map I carry around with me tells me when to turn. And it comes with a bicycle mount. My BIKE has GPS, dude!

You can make a movie with Humphrey Bogart as a character and not have to hire Robert Sacchi to play him - you can manipulate images of the real Bogart! Or if you’re perverse, you can use Sacchi footage instead.

I carry a flashlight which is the size of a peach pit but is as bright as a flashlight.

You can get cable TV from your phone company and phone service from your cable company.

We’re rapidly reaching the point where it’s less expensive to digitally plump up an actress’ lips than it is to get collagen treatments. 

I just googled the word “collagen” to check the spelling - I also found a dozen places within 20 miles to GET collagen. And, I just used the verb “google.”

As an alternative to hooking up my TV to watch illegally downloaded BBC programs, I could watch them on my phone or my walkman.

Wristwatches… don’t get me started on wristwatches.

If a stand-up comedian happens to strike back at hecklers with ugly racist epithets, the entire episode can be seen by the entire world within fifteen minutes.

Look, I don’t know about you, but I’m loving every single one of these things. About the only thing that’s bugging me is the insistance on making movies from TV shows that were canceled in the seventies. That’s just weird.

-daniel k

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 26th, 2008 at 5:17 am and is filed under Digital Wonderland, General, Television. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.