MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY TO PLANT PLACENTA IN ORCHARD

Eventually to result in a line of blond shirtless trees, protected by bellicose surfers.

HOLLYWOOD POWER BROKER BERNIE BRILLSTEIN DEAD

Hollywood mourns the death of the possibility of a CONEHEADS sequel.

KATY PERRY’S “I KISSED A GIRL” TIES BEATLES RECORD

WTF?

AD SALES FOR OLYMPICS TOPS $1 BILLION

Considering they’re going to be saturating every single NBC-owned channel for the next several weeks, that probably divides up into $150 a spot.

SPONGEBOB IN NY TORTURE SIDESHOW

Of course, this is just an art piece, but the Government should look into the idea. Spongebob makes everything look okay, including running around in white briefs.

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