This is not how the music biz actually works, of course. Actually, sometimes it did: In the Teen Idol days (Fabian, Annette, Frankie Avalon, etc.) the production and distribution system was so well controlled that talent could be cycled in and out and custom-tuned for record buyers like hemlines. This top-down control resurfaced about a decade ago with Lou Pearlman’s boy-band creations (•NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, etc.) which did very well until his whole empire imploded.

These exceptions aside, for most part the music industry is in total chaos. Nobody is making money, illegal downloads make a joke of unit-sale accountability, and the quality of original music continues it’s general decline.

Chaos aside, the industry IS controlled by cold executives, who sometimes are able to exercise an uncanny reach. Take for example the Amy Winehouse problem, and the way it has been fixed.

Ms. Winehouse is a fine singing talent, but one that is weighed down with a stupendous amount of personal problems. As noted here months ago, from my perch in the US I heard about her f***ups long before I heard any of her music. But her talent and the huge public appeal of her retro-soul singing style put her right on top. Five Grammys– proof of either her unique talent, the popularity of her sound, or an industry that is so chaotically disconnected that it would allow such a trainwreck to be so awarded.

But some cold executive quantified her appeal, and found a replacement.

Duffy, a Welsh singer-songwriter, is in the middle of a ferocious climb up the UK charts. Her debut album Rockferry is selling well in Europe, and is catching on here in the US as well.

Duffy’s sound, her vocal stylings and instrumentation, make her a dead ringer for Amy Winehouse. The UK press even called her one of the “New Amys,” along with Adele and Gabriella Cilmi. Duffy has a cleaner, slightly thinner voice than Amy’s two-packs-of-Dunhills-a-day growl, but around the edges it’s a close match.

This is proof that what the public wants, as a consumable pop-music brand, is a British female retro-soul singer. Not Amy Winehouse in particular, apparently. And Duffy is a clear and purposeful improvement on that brand: Blond, fair, freckled and curvy as opposed to black beehived, tattooed, needle tracked and gangly. From a big family in a modest Welsh village, rather than a dissolute broken home in London. And, best of all, Duffy has an extremely quiet personal life and no known substance abuse problems.

Even better, Duffy has some range. Check out the video for her song “Warwick Avenue” and watch the waterworks. Impressive singing, impressive acting, and a glimpse of real vulnerability to her persona. Can’t imagine Amy Winehouse ever crying– she’d ruin that weird space-alien eyeliner. (”Warwick Avenue” is also a brilliant song, one I predict will break through here in the US. Like Winehouse’s “Rehab,” it has a great hook, rich arrangements and it sticks in your head for hours.)

If Amy and the “New Amy” are indeed executive creations, Winehouse can be seen as a sort of lucky accident, a failed first experiment in creating a British retro-soul chanteuse. She’s a shambling Frankenstein monster, a robot on the fritz who managed to capture the public’s imagination while simultaneously wrecking up the place. Refinements now in place, there is talk of the sleek, clean-living Model 2 to take more Grammys next year. I’m sure she can even get a visa for the occasion.

–Skot C.

The host of Box Office Weekly, anxious to make up for lost time over the past few podcastless weeks, will be appearing as a guest on Priscilla Leona’s radio show this Sunday from 5:00-6:00pm, PST. No matter where in the world you are you can hear it here. I know the show has a lot of fans in Asia and I’d love for you to call in and ask me what the hell I’m talking about. Just remember, it’s GMT -8 hours!

If Priscilla gets enough calls during the show, the station owner will give her a new car. Or a ride home. I know it was one of those.

-daniel k

Much gossip, much chatter, much tabloid dishing. The IMDb has awarded her the coveted adjective of “troubled pop star,” taking the sobriquet from “troubled Mean Girls star” Lindsay Lohan, who herself took it from “troubled rocker” Courtney Love.

But the best part: I have NO IDEA who Amy Winehouse is.

I had to look her up online to discover she is a buxom, sort of bandy-legged pop singer from the UK. She is apparently well-known in Britain, and was set to hit the charts and tour on the US when her latest “troubles” began.

Turns out I’ve heard quite a bit of her music on Virgin Radio UK, which is always a treat. I now know she is charting mildly in the US, and she performed at the 2007 MTV Movie awards. I never watched “Grey’s Anatomy” or “Men in Trees” so I haven’t heard her contributions to their respective soundtracks, though I’m gonna guess she’s a lot like every other songster featured, Starbucks-ready and easy on the ear.

This is definitely a point-of-view thing. I am positive she has a following and is quite popular in some circles, but from my perspective her “troubles” came over the horizon first.

The thing about hearing about Amy the scandal first: There’s no disappointment attached to her “troubles.” I can look at Lindsay Lohan and think “Wow, she was so good in Herbie Fully Loaded” or Paris Hilton and think “wow… Uh, I have reason to think she’s good in bed.” But Amy: Nothing. Just “Troubles.”

If disinterested third parties such as yours truly are writing about Winehouse, I guess it proves the “no such thing as bad publicity” adage.

“They tried to make me go to rehab, I said ‘no, no, no.’”
–Amy Winehouse, “Rehab”

–Skot C

This would be bad for listeners because typically the internet plays stuff you don’t hear on the radio; it would be bad for radio because they would lose a source of cheap market research and it would be bad for the music industry because they can’t break new artists nowadays. Most likely people will just lose interest in commercial music. It’s as if the AM radio cartel had found a way to squash FM in the late ’60s.

Look, I have my own music podcast and I want to keep doing it.

Congressmen have about 18 days to vote the thing down, and they’ll do it if they think they’d lose votes if they don’t. Tell ‘em. Check out SaveTheRadio.net for helpful congress-harassing tips. Kurt Hanson has some good information about this stuff too. Remember, if it wasn’t for internet music we might not have Lily Allen or AFI now. Do it for them. No, do it for me.

Here in America the 2nd Circuit court (there are two circuits, in case one blows) ruled that a new Federal Communications Commission policy penalizing accidentally aired expletives was invalid, saying it was “arbitrary and capricious” and might not survive First Amendment scrutiny. It stemmed from a couple of incidents of the “f-bomb” being dropped by celebrities on the Billboard Awards show in 2002 and 2003. The FCC decided that the word was inappropriate, citing another appearance of the word when Bono uttered it at the Golden Globes in 2003. Which they didn’t prosecute.

And of course, there were enormous fines involved. From the majority opinion of the ruling:

“We are sympathetic to the networks’ contention that the FCC’s indecency test is undefined, indiscernible, inconsistent and consequently unconstitutionally vague.”

The court said it could understand why the networks argue that the FCC’s indecency policy “fails to provide the clarity required by the Constitution, creates an undue chilling effect on free speech and requires broadcasters to ’steer far wider of the unlawful zone.’”

Meanwhile across the pond, shadowy media watchdog Ofcom has rejected complaints about comedian Russell Brand’s routine in the Brit Awards. Full disclosure: I am American and I have never heard or Russell Brand, don’t know what the Brit Awards are, and only have a vague idea of what Ofcom does. And I’m reporting it to you now.

The host’s risque jokes and drug-related references to singer Robbie Williams and Conservative leader David Cameron were investigated. But Ofcom ruled Brand’s comments were acceptable in the context of an established music awards ceremony. “A certain amount of controversy was likely to be expected by the audience,” the regulator decided.

Ofcom did, however, rule that some of Brand’s comments had been “on the edge of acceptability”. Some 262 viewers complained about the comedian’s remarks about intimate body parts, drugs, the Iraq war, the Queen and Robbie Williams.

I’m down with the body parts and Iraq War jokes, but keep your bloody pie-hooks off Robbie Williams mate!

We all need to learn some lesson from this - to me, clearly, it’s that the V-Chip must always be set to keep children away from awards shows. Indeed, who shouldn’t be?